All these years after I found out his name, I’ve decided to try and find my father

I’ve never known my father. Never met him. Didn’t even know his name for most of my early life because my mother wouldn’t tell me anything about him — and wouldn’t elaborate as to why she wouldn’t tell me.

Finally, I got a first and last name when I was 13 years old, from a maternal aunt. She said he was in the Air Force, had a family and lived in my hometown. But that’s all I ever had to go on. I kept from my mother that her sister had spilled the beans because my mother already hated this aunt.

I’ve never really had a huge need to know who he is. Is that weird? Not sure why that was true. I think it’s partially because my mother, my birth mother, had such terrible taste in men, that I’ve always been convinced in my mind that he was likely not the kind of person who’d be a positive force in my life.

Anyway, now I signed up for a DNA testing service specifically to try to find him and some possible relatives. Not sure why, this late in life, I decided to try and track him down.

I think it’s partially because the thing I’ve thought all my life had no effect whatsoever on me — not having a father figure in my life — has definitely affected me in very negative ways that I still don’t completely understand.

Perhaps I’ll find an elderly guy who is well-adjusted and open to having another son in the twilight of his existence.

I’ll be writing here about how it goes with the DNA test and search. Assuming something comes of the test.

The ways you think these things might work out, during times when you fantasize about the worst and best ways it can play out, are often so far from reality for people whose experiences I’ve read about.

I could get this as a gift to so many of my misanthrope friends

In fact, there is an entire world of products which say this.

This is the key to loving antisocial people who don’t want you around. Give them funny, simple gifts that celebrate their quirks — and do not, ever, make a fuss about doing so.

In fact, just send the gift through the mail with a card saying you don’t expect any acknowledgment in return.

More adventures in Roommate Wanted ad replies

I mention in my Roommate Wanted as that I consider myself to be a nerd.

I mention this because nerds are my peeps. They are the people with whom I am most likely to socialize and also have fun doing it.

So I get a reply yesterday that says this:

do nerds like their cock sucked

Setting aside the lack of capitalization and punctuation, this reply brings up the same point I’ve made again and again since I started this process:

What kind of loser uses Roommate Wanted ads to troll for sexual partners? Have I been transported back to a time when online dating sites and apps did not exist?

Crazy how often this happens.

More adventures in roommate searching on Craigslist

I had a guy last night contact me via the Craigslist ad. He helpfully gave me a full name and a phone number, which was enough to run a simple background check on him.

His criminal record — each line represents a separate offense — includes:

  • Harassment 1st Degree/Probation Violation
  • Petty Theft ($100 or less)
  • Disorderly Conduct/Battery
  • Criminal Mischief/Domestic Abuse/Assault
  • Harrassment 1st Degree
  • Harassment 1st Degree
  • Prostitution
  • Assault on a Peace Officer
  • Stalking (2nd Offense)
  • Theft (5th Degree)
  • Theft (5th Degree)
  • Interference w/Official Acts
  • Harassment (3rd Degree)
  • Simple Assault
  • Theft (5th Degree)
  • Domestic Abuse Assault
  • Criminal Mischief 5th Degree
  • Assault
  • Theft (5th Degree)
  • Theft (5th Degree)
  • Assault
  • Theft (4th Degree)
  • Stalking
  • Assault
  • Harassment (2nd Degree)
  • Robbery (2nd Degree)
  • Violation of Parole
  • Disseminate Obscene Material to A Minor
  • Assault
  • Theft 5th Degree
  • Criminal Mischief
  • Domestic Abuse Assault
  • Stalking

He’s big on theft, sometimes getting charged twice within as many months. He’s also a repeat Stalking offender.

Perfect roommate material!

How is this guy out walking around? He’s obviously not a candidate for rehabilitation.

I will never, ever do anything off Craigslist again without having a way to look up the person with whom I am dealing.

No wonder so many people gets scammed/attacked/robbed/etc off Craigslist!

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Or perhaps that was the Cantina in Mos Eisley spaceport.

Whatever, it still applies.

Members of the Craigslist Roommate Ad Responders Club getting ready for their monthly meeting where they recount stories of moving in with unsuspecting roommates they scam and then kill.

More adventures in adult roommate searching

When people reply to Roommate Wanted ads, it’s both amusing and disconcerting how little information they provide in their replies.

Usually these come in the form of the single-word question:


Of course it’s available. Why would the ad still be posted if it’s not available? I block these people because if they are this clueless when responding to a roommate ad, they are most likely clueless and annoying in everyday life.

Then there are the people who do some other single word. This is from another person last weekend:


What does that mean? Do I have pets? The ad states I have a dog, so let’s cut this person some slack and assume they are asking if I take other pets.

What kind? How many? How big is the pet? Is it potty-trained?

Again, another person too clueless to consider.

Then, on another issue, I received the fifth one of these:

Couples welcome?

Dude. It’s a 1,000 sq. ft. house. Look at the pictures. Does it look as if I’d have three people unless I was forced to do so because they are family?

Also, I just think it’s weird that, between two grown adults — a couple, no less — one of you can’t manage to be approved for your own lease. What is it about the two of you that neither of you can get approved for an apartment of your own?

Last weekend as I was lying in bed thinking about this roommate search — which is what I think about when I wake up and when I go to bed — I wondered, “Am I being too picky? Too paranoid? Are there too many things I consider red flags that make me reject someone outright?”

Then, yesterday, I took the plunge. I did some research on online background check services. I decided to sign-up for one for a monthly fee which you can cancel any time.

Then I ran a check on some of the people I’ve rejected whose answer (or answers) to a question set off my creep/deadbeat/crazy radar.

Man, oh man, have I dodged some bullets. There are some real con artists in my city looking for unsuspecting marks.

More on that later. I have to walk the dog and get ready for work.

Roommate search hell for today

Craigslist is at least consistent in the entirely inappropriate replies you get from potential roommates.

This email came under the subject line, “I’ve got a quick question?” Thereby proving that this person is clueless about punctuation. I don’t need a Rhodes scholar as a roommate. Nor am in interested in living with someone who likely doesn’t know the difference between “their,” “there” and “they’re.”

Anyway, this guy writes in his email:

Are you gay?  I am about your age and really looking for a gay buddy.  

If not I hope I didn’t offend you.

First off, of course it offends me. Why would I use a Craigslist roommate ad as a hook-up tool?

More important: Why are you using Craigslist as a hook-up site? Why not Tinder? Why not Grindr? Why not an app with pictures and a bit about what you are looking for in a sexual partner?

I’ll hazard a guess this person fits one of two scenarios: First, he’s gay but hates himself for it and is not out to anyone. Which makes him dangerous.

When I was a newspaper editor in Boston, we had to (sadly) report upon countless incidents over the years where gay men hooked up with guys who were fucked up about being gay and the guy ended up being stalker-y — or worse.

The other scenario is that they guy is not gay at all but is merely looking for a gay man to attack when he shows up to look at the rental.

No, thank you.

Today’s adventure in roommate-wanted-ad hell

Regarding my roommate-wanted ad, this reply came in today:

Hi I’m male name/female name. I guess I would describe myself as a mature sissy tipe [sic]. Strong femme side. Most comfortable at home in my own personal space hanging out in my t-shirt and panties. . I’m very clean . I appreciate a safe clean comfortable home. I’m a mature sissy I pick up after myself and I have common sense. I’m not a big drinker however I do appreciate a good bottle of wine with good company. Maybe a movie night 🍿. I try and stay in shape. Walk alot. Its a beautiful pink bedroom and the bed looks sooo comfy 😋 I do like to stay busy. I have a fixed income. Not a partyer but I am 420 friendly. Very LGBTQ friendly. I hope to one day meet my life partner and become his full-time trans. O. Yes I want to transform myself into a full-time transexual [sic]. As for now I do go through life as a boy.  I am a little older than you. I enjoyed My first man in the early 80s.  I do have a fixed income. Soo there’s a little about me. I would be happy to send you a couple of pictures if you like if the place is still available. And please send me a picture of you. Think [sic] you 

I’m not going to consider this person based just on the typos and terrible grammar.

If he/she is that careless in an ad response when he/she is trying to put his/her best face forward, how is this person on a day-to-day basis?

Setting that aside, however, this is a sex ad more than a response to a roommate ad.

Take it to Grindr or Tinder, asshole.

I don’t know what I expected from Craigslist. A certain amount of weirdness, I guess. But Craigslist is a cesspool of damaged/antisocial people and scam artists whom I would never consider as roommate material.

I mean, I spent my life in Boston and Chicago. I can take care of myself.

But I would never trust nearly all of these people (thus far) alone with my dog.

This morning’s roommate search strangeness

I ask everyone to fill out a Google Forms questionnaire before I will even talk to them about my room for rent.

It weeds out many, many people. Saves everyone time, but some people don’t see it that way.

In this part of the country there are lots of “sovereign citizen” types who don’t like being asked to fill anything out. Of course, we used to say these people simply suffer from some form of oppositional defiance disorder. This makes them see any request that they follow procedures or rules as a trampling of their rights.

My family has been full of these people. Angry loners who see expressing defiance and unfiltered anger as the ultimate expressions of individuality. They all work dead-end jobs because they’ve never learned how to get along in a world that requires compromises for society and the workplace to function properly.

Anyway, the refusal of people like this to fill out the questionnaire is its own way to weed someone out. So that saves me having to waste any time at all on them. The last thing I want is to live with some version of my angry right-wing mother. (RIP.)

I have a guy responding to the roommate ad currently who was completely resistant to the questionnaire. When he finally did complete it, no shock that he answered the vaccine question as shown below.

The mountain of evidence we now have that vaccines save lives and this person has still had not a single shot.

Crazy. There’s a lot of that here in red state America.